Couples Therapy

Mom didn’t know she was setting you up.

Nope, Prince Charming isn’t sweeping you off your feet. Love doesn’t conquer all, and no knight in shining armor is coming to save you. There is no “love at first sight” without effort.

Healthy relationships don’t just happen. They take work from both parties.

Reality sets in.

You and your partner are in a somewhat comfortable and yet unsatisfying place.

You’re both busy-busy-busy and don’t have enough time for each other.

What happened to the spark, that hot lovemaking? What happened to the laughter? What happened to date night? What happened to “happily ever after?”

There’s too much conflict!

Raised voices, trouble communicating, trust issues – it’s hard to relate because you and your partner can’t seem to see each other, hear each other, or even understand each other.

What the heck are they even saying? Where is this person coming from? You wonder, “Is it even worth it?” Where do you go from here?

There’s another way.

It’s not time to give up because you are here, and help is available.

I tell my clients, “Children are like sponges; they soak up everything. Your parents are your first teachers, and your living room is your first classroom.” That means that when kids are born, they start learning from interacting with and observing their parents.

Parents model ways of communicating, and that’s what kids learn. I help people understand the dynamics in their upbringing, how that makes them who they are, and how it impacts their relationships.

I then teach new coping skills to strengthen the relationship, resolve conflicts, and create healthy boundaries, bringing couples closer together and fostering a sense of relief and freedom.

Here’s an example of one couple’s challenges.

A wife complained in session that her husband hurt her. She stated she cried to him, explaining how he hurt her; he just looked at her and did nothing to comfort her. She accused him of not caring about her and stated, “You didn’t even offer me a tissue.” This thought hurt her even more. He sat silent and didn’t have a response.

At the end of the session, as we stood to walk toward the door, I asked him a more in-depth question about his relationship with his parents during childhood. He spoke about how controlling and overly critical his mother was. I said, “If your mom was so critical and controlling to you growing up, you were probably frozen because you were…” Then his wife interjected, “Afraid to do the wrong thing.”

When he heard this, he took his hat off his head, slammed it against his thigh, turned in a circle, and teared up. He looked pained and quietly said, “Yeah, that’s it.” I paused to give him time to collect himself. His wife’s facial expression softened as she looked at him.

In that one moment, several things happened. 1) The husband started to come to terms with his dysfunctional childhood; 2) he could understand how his fear of his mother prevented him from being able to show love and concern for his wife; 3) his wife understood his inaction was the result of childhood trauma and not due to a lack of concern for her; and 4) her anger at him was replaced by compassion for him.

They needed expert help.

It is very doubtful they could have come to this realization on their own because the information was on a subconscious level, meaning he had no clue why he didn’t come to his wife’s aid as she cried to him about him hurting her.

When his wife accused him of not caring about her because he didn’t console her, he had no answer because he was again “frozen.” To his wife, his silence proved her point. She felt convinced he didn’t care and was talking about divorce.

Now, they both have new insights. In upcoming sessions, they will continue to learn about who they are, why they are that way, and how they can work together better.

I love my work!

I’m 60 years old and starting to think about retirement. However, I don’t think I’ll ever completely retire because of experiences like that and the many others I’ve had in my 35-year career!

You can check out some of them on the Testimonials page. Call me so you can be my next success story.